An Announcement. [Network - Audio Only]

[iamnotgod]

Date: January 2nd
Characters: Walter Weekes, via some still-unwritten Number

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[There'd been several seconds' worth of internal debate, whether to put this on the Network at large, send it to everyone's known Number individually to make it less public, or even to mention it at all.

Walter's voice is clear, but it's obvious there's effort behind that. He sounds... resigned, exhausted, generally unhappy.]

Has anyone else tried to contact Jim? My own attempts have been... unsuccessful. Including through his Number.

[He'd checked at Jim's workplace, too, but the only answers there were annoyingly vague. Either the man'd gone ghosted, or he was out of the country.

And Walter can't shake the thought that he could have had something to with it, as irrational as it might come across. (At least Jim won't have to remember dying, anymore, unless until he comes back.)

What a way to begin the New Year, huh?]

Comments

[warped_replica]

Maybe.

[The playful answer is accompanied by a slightly stronger smile briefly. Benjiro would not mind demonstrating his current level of skill for his close friend.

The smile falls entirely when he sees that flicker cross Walter's face. Slowly, he eases his arm from around his knee to sit himself up straighter, bringing him closer to Walter, and also turns part of the way towards him. Hand lifted, he lays it against Walter's shoulder in silent support with concern apparent in his expression.]

[iamnotgod]

[Walter is, at first, reluctant to speak - but at the same time, he can't just leave Benjiro hanging!

He leans into the touch, just a little. He's having trouble finding the right words; even at the speed he can think them it's probably showing.]

You haven't witnessed any- any memories of violating someone else's privacy, have you?

[He knows Ben has been worried about his other selves, and for good reason, but this somehow feels different. Harder to swallow - and at the same time, he can't help but dismiss his own concern as silly.

Which is the bigger red flag, to be perfectly honest?]

[warped_replica]

[As Walter moves towards the touch, Benjiro mirrors in easing his own posture to be closer to where his shoulder lightly comes against Walter’s without altering the position of his hand. He is here with him, for however much or little he feels he can share.

The question posed is met with a thoughtful glance down as Benjiro sifts through the memories implanted by his Number, and softly, he shakes his head as he looks to Walter’s eyes.]

Not privacy...but crossing other lines, certainly.

[Acts such as trespassing, stealing from junkyards, kidnapping with sinister intentions...]

[iamnotgod]

[Walter sighs, nodding faintly.]

In this memory, Webmind wanted to learn everything about Caitlin that was accessible online. Not just what was publicly available.

[A brief moment to remind himself to breathe:]

So he learned how to crack passwords.

[warped_replica]

[Benjiro listens, and he withholds any assumptions while so much remains unknown.]

Does that mean you learned his method?

[iamnotgod]

Well, there's that, but-

[That's not, specifically, what feels wrong.

And that's the problem.]

Hacking someone else's email, should feel wrong to me. And I was upset, today, because I hadn't known about Jim's father, wouldn't have been checking for that news or asking those kinds of questions if I didn't think Jim would have felt right sharing that and-

The thought of just taking whatever means possible to find out more, doesn't seem as troublesome.

And that's not how I used to think. How I normally think.

[warped_replica]

[The effort to divulge the additional context and the discrepancy in perception provides Benjiro a better comprehension of the Echo Walter has undergone. Dawning on him as Walter finishes, his brows raise with widened eyes, but he doesn’t utter a sound as instead his breath stalls. Seconds tick by as he mentally dissects the issue, and one thing is a clear priority once he has a chance to bar against impulsive reactions.

His hand slides off of Walter’s shoulder only to extend further to the opposite side, and he brings up his other arm to hug his friend. Sadie has had something of an influence on him.]

...that it bothers you matters.

We’ll figure it out, and how to deal with it. Okay?

/dumps MOAR FEELZ on

[iamnotgod]

[This is one of those rare times where Walter appreciate being the shorter person in a hug. His eyes close - and he quickly blinks them open again, because instead of the usual dark-behind-eyelids he catches a glimpse of webspace.

Doubtless it's stress, but... it's unsettling.]

Okay.

[First things first:]

Thank you, Ben.

[Walter does not move out of the hug.]

/is buried

[warped_replica]

[Heart already beating faster for the possible threats this new sort of Echo may pose, he shoves the more horrifying possibilities to the periphery. He simply cannot give thought to that right now.

His intention may have been to comfort Walter, but Benjiro finds the contact to be reassuring for him as well as he notices Walter is staying close. Lightly, he squeezes tighter for a couple seconds, then simply loosens his arms somewhat without withdrawing.]

You’d do the same for me.

[No doubt in his mind about that.]

;; <3 <3

[iamnotgod]

[Walter manages a nod.]

Yes.

... This can't be reversed, can it?

[It's barely a question.

Ways of thinking. People take them for granted, like the voice in the back of their heads - when it changes, does it mean something is wrong or just that you've grown, that you've learned something?

Only this isn't natural growth in the least - a reasonable precaution, yet utterly discontinuous from what had been before.]

[warped_replica]

[Nevertheless, it stands as a question.

The teenager falls quiet as he contemplates for a moment, and aware of how much longer that is for Walter, he tries to communicate reassurance of his presence in a small slide of his hand, shuffling his grip to maintain awareness of it.]

I don’t know. It may be enforced while you’re in Mossgate, however... If it is a forcible shift without continuous pressure applied to maintain it, then it should be possible to change over time.

[iamnotgod]

[He wants to put his head in his hands.

He wants to break down and cry.

He wants these things to stop happening.

And yet...]

That's a reassuring thought. As long as I keep reminding myself, question those notions.

[It doesn't clear all his worry, though.]

[warped_replica]

[Reading the superficial signs, Benjiro holds his friend even as he prods deeper into the mire of thought.]

You can always ask us if you have any doubt. I know Russell won’t hesitate.

But I do think circumstances matter, which is why I want to ask you some different questions. Hypothetical, of course.

[iamnotgod]

[Russell is a good flatmate, particularly in that sense.]

... Go ahead, Ben.

[He switches his primary focus back and forth between Ben's voice and the sound of the sea. It helps a little more.]

[warped_replica]

[It goes unspoken that Benjiro is looking for an honest answer to gauge where Walter has drifted due to influence of the Echo.]

Is curiosity a sufficient reason to access private accounts? Whether it concerns someone you already know well like me or someone you have only recently met and want to know more about?

[iamnotgod]

[Given how much effort he's been putting into not voicing certain things, it's no surprise what slips out anyhow:]

Only if it would take too long for both of us to have a conversation to discuss it or otherwise cover the informa-

[And then he shuts himself up, one hand retreating to cover his mouth because where had that come from? It feels true, but at the same time...]

[warped_replica]

[The answer that comes so readily imparts a sharp focus on reality over vague expectation. The change has not been one Benjiro could observe until Walter responded, and with it, brings a raise of his brows in surprise. Similarly it seems, Walter has shocked himself in the way he covers his mouth.

Following his retreating friend, Benjiro pulls Walter back into a full hug and this time keeps the hold longer. The fear is unspoken, but shared.]

CW: indirect reference to suicide.

[iamnotgod]

[That hug is going to keep going - Walter is not crying, but his breathing is becoming increasingly irratic even with the comfort.]

I don't want...

[To be like this.

To live like this.]

If it ever starts looking like I'm doing these things without considering them, considering you... Please, please tell me.

['Snap him out of it' might be the wrong choice of words, precisely, but it's still something of an approximation. Walter wants to be himself, but not if that now includes this.

The fact that it's not even the worst thing that any of them might remember - that, indeed, it isn't and he remembers Hannah Stark, living in Perth-

Okay, now he is crying.]

[warped_replica]

[Emotions, it seems, move slower than thought. The request to provide an external guard against undesirable behavior is taken with a solemn nod, but before he can answer verbally, the tears begin to fall. With their arrival, his heart sinks in his chest and he lends his shoulder to his friend against which he can leave them.]

I will, Walter... [For as long as he can.]

[His muscles twitch as he resists the temptation to squeeze harder, reminding himself of the intensity his desired level of effort would impose. Instead, he slowly starts to slide a hand up and down along his spine, trying to soothe a pain that has no remedy.]

[iamnotgod]

[Walter gets the feeling that he should do something productive - return to the line of questioning, or start planning contingencies out loud, or-

But all he wants right now is comfort. For things not to be the way they are. He holds Ben close, matching the intensity as best he can.]

I'll do the same for you, Ben. Whatever it ends up meaning.

[It's choked out, but the promise is real.[

[warped_replica]

[The tightening grip from Walter reinforces the stop Benjiro has already placed upon discussing the alteration caused by the Echo further for the time being. The sound of the water front is adequate white noise to fill the blank space. Walter may process everything more quickly, but no amount of rational thought can mend an emotional gap.

Then, unexpectedly Walter reciprocates for potential twists that might make Benjiro less of himself and more...

He hesitates, stumbling over words he knows would instead hurt.]

...let’s hope that isn’t needed.

[He had confessed months before that the creature to which he is linked scares him for it’s anger, but not for the other reasons.]

[iamnotgod]

[He feels hope is a lot to ask... but perhaps they should try anyway, just this once.]

Never feels like it's come to the worst, right up until it does, doesn't it?

[There's some barely-choked-out laughter on the last part of the question. It sounds broken, which is exactly how it feels.

... Gods, and this is just memories. He may not have done it himself, hasn't even gone through physical morphing like Ben has and possibly will, but-

He can't just stay stuck on himself like this, he can't.

He has people to help, to be there for, like they are being for him right now.

Like Ben.

The hug is sustained.]

[warped_replica]

[The hand moving against Walter’s back slows to a stop as Benjiro hears that hollow laughter, and his heart cracks. The worst. That an Echo cannot only change their bodies but the qualities that define who they are certainly qualifies. His throat tightens at the thought of losing everyone he has grown so close to here in a spiral into the depths of a kind of madness, but he rejects it the next instant. Fervently, he refuses.

For a handful of ticks on a clock, he gives a slightly tighter hug before he releases to slide his hands back to Walter’s shoulders and lean back only enough to look at his friend’s face.

His friend whom he trusts.]

We’re not beat yet. You’re still a good person, Walter. One of the best. You’re patient, and kind, and you absolutely go out of your way making a weird kid from Japan feel wanted.

We’ll figure this out together.

[iamnotgod]

[One more breath: deep inhale, cleansing exhale, let the sea air do its work.]

Yes.

[They can't not, can't they? Being together, at least, is without question.]

It helps to have good company, though.

[warped_replica]

[A space to breathe, then he hears Walter accept the monumental challenge ahead. If they can maintain a cognitive dissonance to the changes with awareness through a joint effort, then perhaps it can be controlled if not reversed over time.

Then Walter extends a compliment, and a slight smile turns up as Benjiro releases a huff of air.]

Yeah.

[Slower this time, Benjiro brings Walter into one more gentle hug before he fully releases with his far arm and leaves his nearest arm around behind his friend’s back. Walter can certainly continue to lean against him, and Benjiro will do the same. After a couple of minutes of quiet, he speaks.]

…funny thing. When I was very young, I couldn’t understand why people smile. I knew something was wrong with me, but I had no idea what.