An Announcement. [Network - Audio Only]

[iamnotgod]

Date: January 2nd
Characters: Walter Weekes, via some still-unwritten Number

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[There'd been several seconds' worth of internal debate, whether to put this on the Network at large, send it to everyone's known Number individually to make it less public, or even to mention it at all.

Walter's voice is clear, but it's obvious there's effort behind that. He sounds... resigned, exhausted, generally unhappy.]

Has anyone else tried to contact Jim? My own attempts have been... unsuccessful. Including through his Number.

[He'd checked at Jim's workplace, too, but the only answers there were annoyingly vague. Either the man'd gone ghosted, or he was out of the country.

And Walter can't shake the thought that he could have had something to with it, as irrational as it might come across. (At least Jim won't have to remember dying, anymore, unless until he comes back.)

What a way to begin the New Year, huh?]

Comments

[warped_replica]

[The answer that comes so readily imparts a sharp focus on reality over vague expectation. The change has not been one Benjiro could observe until Walter responded, and with it, brings a raise of his brows in surprise. Similarly it seems, Walter has shocked himself in the way he covers his mouth.

Following his retreating friend, Benjiro pulls Walter back into a full hug and this time keeps the hold longer. The fear is unspoken, but shared.]

CW: indirect reference to suicide.

[iamnotgod]

[That hug is going to keep going - Walter is not crying, but his breathing is becoming increasingly irratic even with the comfort.]

I don't want...

[To be like this.

To live like this.]

If it ever starts looking like I'm doing these things without considering them, considering you... Please, please tell me.

['Snap him out of it' might be the wrong choice of words, precisely, but it's still something of an approximation. Walter wants to be himself, but not if that now includes this.

The fact that it's not even the worst thing that any of them might remember - that, indeed, it isn't and he remembers Hannah Stark, living in Perth-

Okay, now he is crying.]

[warped_replica]

[Emotions, it seems, move slower than thought. The request to provide an external guard against undesirable behavior is taken with a solemn nod, but before he can answer verbally, the tears begin to fall. With their arrival, his heart sinks in his chest and he lends his shoulder to his friend against which he can leave them.]

I will, Walter... [For as long as he can.]

[His muscles twitch as he resists the temptation to squeeze harder, reminding himself of the intensity his desired level of effort would impose. Instead, he slowly starts to slide a hand up and down along his spine, trying to soothe a pain that has no remedy.]

[iamnotgod]

[Walter gets the feeling that he should do something productive - return to the line of questioning, or start planning contingencies out loud, or-

But all he wants right now is comfort. For things not to be the way they are. He holds Ben close, matching the intensity as best he can.]

I'll do the same for you, Ben. Whatever it ends up meaning.

[It's choked out, but the promise is real.[

[warped_replica]

[The tightening grip from Walter reinforces the stop Benjiro has already placed upon discussing the alteration caused by the Echo further for the time being. The sound of the water front is adequate white noise to fill the blank space. Walter may process everything more quickly, but no amount of rational thought can mend an emotional gap.

Then, unexpectedly Walter reciprocates for potential twists that might make Benjiro less of himself and more...

He hesitates, stumbling over words he knows would instead hurt.]

...let’s hope that isn’t needed.

[He had confessed months before that the creature to which he is linked scares him for it’s anger, but not for the other reasons.]

[iamnotgod]

[He feels hope is a lot to ask... but perhaps they should try anyway, just this once.]

Never feels like it's come to the worst, right up until it does, doesn't it?

[There's some barely-choked-out laughter on the last part of the question. It sounds broken, which is exactly how it feels.

... Gods, and this is just memories. He may not have done it himself, hasn't even gone through physical morphing like Ben has and possibly will, but-

He can't just stay stuck on himself like this, he can't.

He has people to help, to be there for, like they are being for him right now.

Like Ben.

The hug is sustained.]

[warped_replica]

[The hand moving against Walter’s back slows to a stop as Benjiro hears that hollow laughter, and his heart cracks. The worst. That an Echo cannot only change their bodies but the qualities that define who they are certainly qualifies. His throat tightens at the thought of losing everyone he has grown so close to here in a spiral into the depths of a kind of madness, but he rejects it the next instant. Fervently, he refuses.

For a handful of ticks on a clock, he gives a slightly tighter hug before he releases to slide his hands back to Walter’s shoulders and lean back only enough to look at his friend’s face.

His friend whom he trusts.]

We’re not beat yet. You’re still a good person, Walter. One of the best. You’re patient, and kind, and you absolutely go out of your way making a weird kid from Japan feel wanted.

We’ll figure this out together.

[iamnotgod]

[One more breath: deep inhale, cleansing exhale, let the sea air do its work.]

Yes.

[They can't not, can't they? Being together, at least, is without question.]

It helps to have good company, though.

[warped_replica]

[A space to breathe, then he hears Walter accept the monumental challenge ahead. If they can maintain a cognitive dissonance to the changes with awareness through a joint effort, then perhaps it can be controlled if not reversed over time.

Then Walter extends a compliment, and a slight smile turns up as Benjiro releases a huff of air.]

Yeah.

[Slower this time, Benjiro brings Walter into one more gentle hug before he fully releases with his far arm and leaves his nearest arm around behind his friend’s back. Walter can certainly continue to lean against him, and Benjiro will do the same. After a couple of minutes of quiet, he speaks.]

…funny thing. When I was very young, I couldn’t understand why people smile. I knew something was wrong with me, but I had no idea what.

[iamnotgod]

[It's less likely that Walter can set Ben off balance up on this rock... though what can currently be sustained of his situational awareness is still worried about it.]

Not everyone 'gets' emotions straightaway, Ben.

[That part he can say with confidence, even after the rest of him has been shaken this thoroughly.]

Or even feels specific emotions to the same expected extent.

[He'd seen some of that in the cult, growing up; some of the kids - hell, and the adults - just didn't react to things outside of a certain emotional range. Some of it was regimented thinking, true, but some of it was just - tendency. Temperament.]

[warped_replica]

[Without a purposeful effort to shove Benjiro away, Walter is simply not heavy enough to unbalance him. That logic however may not make a difference to emotion.]

Some of those people are referred to as psychopaths or sociopaths, depending on their degree of attachment to others. I was lucky enough not to stay that way.

[He looks over to Walter as he clarifies his reason for revealing something he feels insecure over.]

My point is that I understand the disregard and indifference to things that should matter. And the frustration that goes with the disconnection. If you’re determined to stick to your principles as they were yesterday, then I’ll be here to make logical arguments for them without judging you.

[iamnotgod]

[Walter nods absently - then again, with better focus.]

Yes... please.

[That hug is resumed in earnest, now.]

[warped_replica]

[Unexpected as it is for Walter to pull him into a hug, Benjiro gladly turns into it with his second arm once again lifted to return it in full as he smiles softly.]

Promise.

[And Benjiro keeps his promises.]