Water, Water Everywhere

[iamnotgod]

Date: March 1st ; ETA: March 2nd
Characters: Walter Weekes, Sadie Moore ; ETA: Walter Weekes and Benjiro Thorne

---

It hasn't even been a full week, and though Walter's learned much he is still struggling without sight apart from the not-quite-darkness of webspace.

More mundanely, the house is still barely livable after the disastrous flooding; Ben's assistance, among other things, has been vital towards getting the place drained and dry.

Other visits - like Sadie's - are much appreciated, and Walter is well aware of what chaos Echoes have been wreaking in her life lately.

His mind keeps coming back to that water, though, and he can never quite settle, never quite relax-

---

The next day comes the first chance to test a possible workaround - finally, finally, by Walter's account, though he still feels guilty for having the notion.

After all, he's not in charge of the passage of time.

Comments

[iamnotgod]

Walter's "Yes?" comes after the most infinitesimal of pauses.

"I can go get it now, if you'd like? I'll keep the lights here off."

Fortunately, that much he could accomplish on muscle memory.

[dragoonrouge]

"Yes please, Walter," Sadie massages her temples, "...So...It turns out that a memory and motion sickness wasn't the only thing I received from my trip to the bottom of the river."

Because keeping pain meds in the kitchen AND closet is a thing in my house.

[iamnotgod]

Since Walter doesn't run to the kitchen, he's gone-and-back in a somewhat more perceivable timeframe - a full minute, not a matter of seconds.

It helps that this is a familiar task and path for him, and that he remembers where everything is, even after the flood's... unsettled things.

He hands her the paracetamol as he asks, "How so, Sadie? What happened?"

We keep them in the kitchen

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie gratefully accepts the paracetamol from Walter upon his return and swallows the two pills, "Ben had a panic attack the other week," She admits quietly, looking up at Walter, "Don't let him know I told you but... You know those giant, metal gauntlets that he got when we all Echoed at the river? I crouched down to examine them in his garage and, well, the way he described it afterwards was that he finally figured out exactly how large he's going to get and the proportions of the person he's Echoing. He was scared of himself"

Sadie sniffs as she trails off, the incidence was still upsetting to think about. She hated that Ben had been so clearly terrified, "When I was trying to help calm him down, there was this sudden splitting pain in my head and then I wasn't in the garage anymore, I was in a bedroom. Ben's bedroom. But he was tiny, and his sister was just a baby. I was stuck watching things happen and I couldn't do anything, little Ben walked through me like I was a ghost. And then just like that, I was back in the garage and no time had passed...We figured out later that I saw one of his childhood memories."

Sadie's ears fold back, "'M sorry Walter, I think I saw one of your memories..."

[iamnotgod]

Walter's expressions as Sadie explains are a continuous chain of stricken-yet-not-surprised, worried, and not the least amount of guilt.

"He's- indicated something similar before, to me." And as much as Walter detests keeping this kind of secret from Ben, they both know how he feels about people worrying about him.

The second half of Sadie's explanation instills a bit more horror.

"So, you can receive Echoes of someone else's memories?"

He cuts himself off, not wanting to scare Sadie.

"But you can't control it?"

Perhaps like how Jimmy couldn't (yet) control noticing every small imperfection, or Sam Stone his sense of smell...

[dragoonrouge]

"I worry," Sadie admits, "That he's going to shrink into himself again. And when his changes become more extreme...I know it's going to hurt him, to hide away...Im worried about everyone else too." Sadie now knows just how lucky she is going to be with what remains of her physical changes, and that just makes her worries about the others worse.

Sadie shakes her head, "If I could I would never let it happen. I don't like it, it feels like an invasion of privacy."

She's silent for a moment, her gaze fixed on Walter's face when she continues, "There was a river, in a forest, and adults chanting..."

[iamnotgod]

"I feel the same way," Walter says.

"How we're going to hold ourselves together, or adapt, when things just keep happening."

He sighs.

"We can only keep being there for him."

The topic shifts back to the memory, though, and for a moment he's just plain puzzled.

"I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific. Those were- fairly common backdrops, if it's the timeframe I think you're thinking of."

[dragoonrouge]

"There were children in and by the river...You saved them from drowning didn't you?"

[iamnotgod]

At that, Walter momentarily stops breathing.

But he resumes, just as quickly, shoulders slumping.

"That happened more than once, as well. But I do know what you're talking about."

Two dueling impulses - both the want for a hug right now, and to absolutely not have one.

"Three times, all in one year. Just when I thought they were doing it on purpose, they stopped."

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie's ears lie flat against her head, her gaze shifting to and from Walter's face. So she was correct... Sadie would rather that she wasn't.

"I'm sorry, Walter. It should have been your choice, 'm sorry that that was taken from you."

[iamnotgod]

Walter could have denied it outright, said it was fine - but it wasn't, and Sadie was right. Even though he'd rather bite back his anger (and no small amount of his horror), he had a right to it in the first place.

But Sadie wasn't going to push for more context. Somehow, that itself made a difference.

Instead of going for a hug, Walter moves over to sink into the sofa, hugging knees-to-chest like he hadn't done regularly in... years, really.

(Regularly, that is; the last time he's done this is more on the timeline of months than years.)

"I'm sorry, too. But it's not the first thing being Numbered has taken from any of us, let alone me.

"And..." he continues, pausing deliberately, seeking eye contact with Sadie for this next part, "It bothers you more how you learned it, than what you learned about me?"

Insecurity comes through most clearly now.

[dragoonrouge]

This is all wrong. The way Walter was huddled on the sofa. That's not how he should ever be feeling!

"That just makes it even worse that this was taken from you!" Sadie blurts out, claws pricking at her jeans, "This sort of thing is so, so personal. I shouldn't have had this information unless you wanted me to have it. It feels...dirty to have been informed without your permission, like taking something that wasn't mine to take."

She sniffs and mirrors Walter's pose, "I wasn't joking, when I called you big brother. You are a big brother to me."

[iamnotgod]

His mouth quirks, thinking on Webmind's own exploits in that area.

But you are not him, comes the rebuttal.

"It might not have come up at all," he ends up saying.

"It's just- not relevant, day-to-day. But though it's not precisely hiding, it's still a large portion of my life to just not share." And how far could a friendship - or any kind of bond - progress, if there was that much being held back?

And contrariwise, what did it say about those friends he had anyway, those who simply "never needed to know"?

His position slackens slightly, wishing he could at least see Sadie's face, do more than just read her tone and hear where she is.

"I'm glad. I'm glad that I've gained that much. That I can give you that." He deliberately refrains from saying we again; it feels more like a reminder of the Bad Old Days, in this context.

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie starts to nod and then stops herself, Walter can't see the motion at the moment after all, "That is true, but that would have been your choice. And if you had decided to never tell me, that would have been fine, Walter. No-one ever really knows everything about other people but that doesn't negate what I do know about you. It adds to it but it- you were Walter, you're still Walter"

[iamnotgod]

That reassurance - not just that the name he chose is his, that there's a fundamental truth of Being about him being trans doesn't change - but that not disclosing would have been okay...

That brings the first true smile of the day to his face. And tears to his eyes.

"Thank you, Sadie."

A pause.

"I- I think it's okay for you to hug me again now."

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie sniffles, nodding, "You're welcome Walter."

Sadie scootches over on the sofa and wraps her arms around Walter, ears twitching and brushing against Walter, "Love you."

... And now I wish there was an Echo for that exact line, but alas. .-.

[iamnotgod]

The ears definitely feel odd - at the very least, it reminds him, very slightly, of when he'd been by the SPCA to check out the animals during Pride Week.

But that oddness is welcome - and moreso welcome is what Sadie's saying.

"You too."

that's a shame

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie is content to continue quietly hugging Walter, it is nice after all especially with how emotionally taxing that whole experience was, however, although one aspect has been aired and discussed the main aspect of what she saw hadn't.

"Walter..." Sadie pauses, she wants to know but perhaps pushing for them now isn't the wisest idea, "Those kids...they were all okay, right? None of the drowned?"

[iamnotgod]

Walter's shoulders slump once Sadie brings it up, though he doesn't in any way retreat from her touch.

"They all survived, though 'okay' may still be the wrong word, considering where we were... most of them I haven't seen since 2005, when my family finally left."

Except for how some had trickled in, in ones and twos, having escaped in their own way, trying to track down other survivors...

Particularly those that Walter found himself continuing to help, even here in Mossgate - not that they ever stayed long. That, at least, hadn't happened again since the aurora.

[dragoonrouge]

"The memory ended before I could see if they were still breathing," Sadie says in way of explanation, "I just wanted to be sure..." The 'that she didn't just watch people drown' goes unsaid.

[iamnotgod]

Walter sobers again, inhale-and-exhale, grounding himself.

"Of course."

There's a pause.

"Is the paracetamol helping?"

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie gives Walter a gentle squeeze, "Its helped a lot, this memory thing starts off as almost a pin-point migraine. Maybe it'll get better with time, this is only the second time this has ever happened."

[iamnotgod]

Walter frowns, more thoughtful than worried.

"But if it's a signal, would you have any other hint if the migraines eased up? It's not a fair system for you, either way."

[dragoonrouge]

Sadie groans, "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Magic is bullshit."

[iamnotgod]

This time, Walter initiates the hug.

"That's become the story of our lives, lately."