Few things are as reliable in life as a growing adolescent's appetite, especially when that teenager stands to grow something like a foot in a year. Russell heads for a cabinet to pull out the clingfilm, when he catches the followup conversation.

"Oh, now, they know I'm going over Christmas Day," he complains half-heartedly to the ceiling, rather than take it out on Walter or Ben's faces. "And that I'm visiting mum, and bringing all the family's gifts then. Why are you all pushing it forward on me? It's all the American commercialism, isn't it. Ads start in November, and before you know it, everyone's giving gifts on Festivus."